i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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