My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
