my phone needs a breathalizer
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
if only i could text you this smell
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
