My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
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