operation harelip BJ is a go
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
