I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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