Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
