she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
