you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
