There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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