Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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