I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
