All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
