just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
