stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
