I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
