just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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