Don't make out with my wife yet
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
