I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
