I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
