i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
