My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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