so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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