i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
