My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
