Non-Jews are for practice
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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