I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
