Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
