I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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