Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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