it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
