I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Is it because I queefed?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
