remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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