i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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