you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
