One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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