In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
