Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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