The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
she told me i tasted like america
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
