Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
