he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
