she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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