omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
