quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
