tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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