what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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