Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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