Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
