I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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