As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
